Défoncé
by Rainripple
Summary: Killer brings Kid to the ER after a bar fight and ends up having to put up with Kid's horrible attempts to flirt with the doctor. Modern AU. Writing request no.3 (Summer 2016)


"Mr Eustass Kid? Dr. Trafalgar is ready to see you."

The patient in question was slumped over his friend's shoulder. The ER waiting room had been packed full when they first came in and even now later on in the night, there was still a lengthy queue of people awaiting treatment. Some were drunkards like Kid but not all of them had won their brawls.

Kid had decided to take a power nap on Killer as he finally began to feel the effects of a banging hangover but unfortunately that had to come to an end.

Jostling his friend out of the land-of-the-nod, he slung him over his shoulder and followed the nurse into a different room. He deposited him in a chair opposite to the doctor.

Trafalgar glanced at Kid and then back at Killer. "I presume your friend has been in a fight?"

"Yeah. He's an idiot. Please take care of him doc."

Trafalgar rose from his seat, his exhaustion apparent from the darkening bags under his eyes and the almost inaudible groan he made.

Kid was also groaning but for an entirely different reason.

The doctor gently shook his shoulder. "Please try to stay awake Mr Eustass. I've not got all night to spend on you."

His voice, though it had an irritated tone to it, was smooth and suave to such a degree that it seemed to wake Kid from his slumber.

He blinked. "Well well, who's Mr Hottie McHotterson here?"

The nurse was failing to conceal his sniggers though the same couldn't be said for Trafalgar who was having none of it.

"I'm your doctor and I'd appreciate it if you didn't make any further compliments. I've heard enough of those to last a lifetime."

"Yeah yeah, whatever Aphrodite."

Trafalgar began to commence his examination and for once Kid actually co-operated (a surprise for Killer but not an unwelcome one). He sat upright in his seat and answered any questions Trafalgar asked; any that he couldn't were directed at Killer instead. At first he refused to take any painkillers when Shachi (the nurse) tried to give him some but immediately complied when Trafalgar offered instead.

Throughout this appointment, Kid attempted to brag about his most recent fight though the doctor remained thoroughly non-plussed. He even staggered out of the room to ask a different friend to back his claims up, acting like the typical, obnoxiously loud patient even as Shachi and Killer dragged him back into the examination room. Kid did not seem embarrassed at all.

As Trafalgar gave his final diagnosis – a broken arm, a black eye and a concussion but nothing more – Kid began to interrupt him once again.

"Hey hey Mr Hottie."

"That's Dr Trafalgar to you."

"D'ya pick up many people here? Any police men?"

"Make one joke about the law and I will personally boot you out of the building."

The nurse was in the corner typing something on his phone; he was probably keeping track of all the corny jokes Kid was making.

"So~ how many people have you got into bed handsome?"

"None."

Kid made some odd giggling noise (he was probably high from alcohol and painkillers by this point) before he realised the doctor wasn't joking. " _You can't be fucking serious._ "

Trafalgar deadpanned, "It's absolutely none of your business what I do in my spare time Mr Eustass."

"I gotta agree with you. You have a nice ass."

"That's not what I said."

Shachi intervened thankfully by passing Trafalgar the prescription sheet that had just been printed out. He scribbled a signature on it before passing it to Killer (Kid was obviously in no state to take responsibility for his own health).

"Pass this to the pharmacist and make sure Mr. Eustass takes his medication. He also needs a follow-up appointment to check on his arm." He turned to his assistant. "Shachi, call in the next patient please."

"Aye aye!"

As Killer attempted to drag Kid out of the room, he rolled his eyes as he heard him desperately trying to ask the doctor for his number until they'd left the waiting room and it was no longer possible for Trafalgar to hear him. Kid's dejected face was a rather pitiful sight until they were driving home and Kid happened to spot Trafalgar walking along the pavement.


End file.
